Gay men find Thailand to be a welcoming and friendly country, but there are some differences to understand as you become involved with Thai men.

Related pages:

Gay dating in Thailand, 101

Also read about Thailand's social hierarchy

Gay life and customs

Thai customs

Basic travel facts

The Thai language

Making yourself understood

Mai pen rai: a slogan and a philosophy

Gay Thailand tour

Complete site index 

Thais are friendly people. They like Americans, and they're eager to introduce you to their country. They're also shy, and most will hesitate to start a conversation with a westerner. It's up to you to break the ice, but once you do, the rewards are great.

Gay Americans are pleasantly surprised to discover that regardless of their physical appearance, they're likely to be considered more attractive by gay men in Thailand than in the U.S.

If so, great! Play safe and enjoy yourself. But as you get accustomed to this very different world, it may help to ponder a few thoughts in advance.

Take time to get to know the scene

Thais tend to be shy with westerners. In a gay disco, cafe, bar, or sauna, many men may look your way, but only a few - if that - are likely to actually approach you - be it for a quickie, a date, or more. It can be tempting to accept the first appealing offer that comes along.

This is your vacation. Spend it as you like! But please let us point out a couple considerations.

First, the man who makes an aggressive approach probably ends up with quite a few sex partners. We hope you're taking all the appropriate precautions against AIDS, but many other sexually-transmitted diseases are out there. Who do you think is most likely to give you an unwanted souvenir of Thailand - the guy who comes on strong, or the one who shyly smiles at you, but waits for you to make the first move?

Second, a Thai man who aggressively comes on to you has already adapted heavily to western ways. Odds are, after quite a few American and European partners, he'll have picked many of our customs. Nothing wrong with that, and it could make your date go more smoothly. But if you're eager to see and understand a different culture, you're more likely to get that experience when you're the one to start up a conversation with a new friend.

Keep expectations in line

After two dates, you may suspect that your Thai friend is hoping for a far longer and more serious relationship that you are. That's not uncommon. Be flattered, but in fairness to him, try to gently but firmly explain what's realistic from your perspective.

By all means, exchange emails if you'd like to stay in touch. Think twice before giving out your phone number. It's a drag to be awakened in the middle of the night (mid-afternoon in Thailand) by a former date asking for money for an emergency.

Is he after love ... or just money?

You've had several dates with a man. He seems genuinely in love with you, eager to make you happy, eager to be with you. Then, out of nowhere, he asks you for money for some purpose. Is that all he ever wanted?

No. At least, not in the vast majority of cases.

Here in the U.S., we like things black and white. We draw a firm line between lovers and golddiggers. In Thailand this distinction, like many others, is far less clear. Chances are, all the emotions your friend has shown were genuine and heart-felt. But you have more wealth than he can dream of. In Thai culture, it's normal and expected that the person of higher status will show generosity to a partner.

And honestly, is this so different from how we behave in the USA? Suppose you met an attractive, personable man, and had a few enjoyable dates with him. Then you discover that he's fabulously wealthy and could support you in great comfort for the rest of your life. Wouldn't your heartfelt feelings for him get just a little bit stronger? Does that make you a golddigger?

Ultimately, romantic relationships are always a complex mix of physical attraction, personal chemistry, and some practical considerations. The mix may be different, or may express itself differently, in Thailand, but that's no reason to break off an otherwise enjoyable friendship. Show some of the generosity that is appropriate in this context, and be clear, but tactful, about your limits.