Boys are not boys.

Well, they are boys — they're definitely not girls — but don't be misled by the term. While go-go clubs, massage parlors, and other commercial sex establishments are an accepted part of Thai life, pedophilia is not. Sex workers are required to be 18, and the vast majority are in their early to mid twenties. In Thailand, as in many cultures, the term boy is used for any young man who's not married.

Go-go bars: How the system works

The exact set-up varies slightly, but the general idea is the same at all the clubs. At more upscale clubs, go-go boys dance or perform on a small stage, and are not allowed to approach customers. If you'd like to meet one, you ask the host or waiter. At other bars, they mill around, and may be allowed to approach you — in a few establishments, they can get quite forthright. If you don't like the atmosphere at one spot, there's probably another down the street.

Go-go dancers wear numbers, pinned to their briefs or hanging from their neck. At first, this seems impersonal, but it has just the opposite intention: The numbers let you identify a dancer without being so crude as to point.

You like one of the boys, you talk for a bit, and he agrees to go with you. If you wish, you can try to establish how much he expects to get from you afterwards. Most of the boys, however, will simply say, "up to you." It's considered inappropriate in many quarters to have explicit rates.

Now what?

First you pay the bar an "off-fee". This is compensation, perhaps 200 baht, for taking away one of the club's entertainers. It's a fixed, non-negotiable fee, and it goes to the bar, not to the boy, although he may deliver it to the cashier.

You can go to your hotel room for an hour, or for the night; alternatively, many bars rent rooms by the hour. (At your own hotel, be ready for a "joiner fee" which is charged by some hotels when you bring a friend in for the night, reflecting the fact that you've taken a single room but are changing it into a double. Most hotels will also ask your friend to leave ID at the desk; this is for your protection as well as theirs.)

Afterwards, unless a precise fee was agreed in advance, you make a gift, or tip. Tradition dictates that the amount is at your discretion; fairness dictates that you should know the going rate, and tip within that range. The amount will depend on the bar (some are classier than others), the city, how much time is involved, and the economy. At this writing, 800-1500 baht is typical. Ask other customers what's suitable. But if the boy didn't want to discuss this with you earlier, it's a bit late to ask him now.

If you hit it off with a boy, you may want him to travel with you, acting as an escort, translator, and companion. That's not uncommon, and can work well for everyone. You may be expected to pay the bar's off-fee for each day he's away — this kind of issue is always open to negotiation — and a longer relationship of this sort requires further discussion of what's expected, and what you'll pay.

Is this exploitation?

Of course it's exploitation! — if, by exploitation, you mean that a person is doing something for money that he probably wouldn't do otherwise. In that case the waiter at the restaurant is also being exploited, and so is the clerk at the hotel.

But those who argue that a go-go boy is being horribly exploited, while a McDonald's clerk is not, will have trouble making a logical case unless they're beginning with the premise that sex is sinful. Now, who would be making that argument? Certainly not the Buddhist Coalition!

Of course, anyone who uses their financial leverage to get a go-go boy (or anyone else) to take unreasonable health risks is guilty of exploitation in the worst sense of the word.

Do the go-go boys like their jobs?

Ask a few. As in most professions, the answers will vary. (And if you do initiate such conversations, remember that the answers are likely to be tactfully honest. You're not going to hear "It's a miserable job" because that would be offensive to you — if you're a client at the moment — and would go against the mai pen rai philosophy.)

Many go-go boys are straight. For them, of course, it's very much "just a job". You're entitled to ask, "Do you like girls?" as part of a preliminary conversation. Most will answer truthfully, but remember that a Thai Yes can have various meanings, as discussed in making yourself understood. A more reliable indicator is available if any attractive women are in the bar: The straight boys will look in that direction any time one of the women moves.

Some go-go boys are gay. It's a job, one that they sometimes enjoy, sometimes don't, and it pays better than McDonalds. They'll often show more life on stage. They'll make eye contact, flash some great smiles.

It goes without saying — but we'll say it anyway — that you should always use condoms. Thailand has a high incidence not only of AIDS, but also of other sexually-transmitted diseases.